The Best is Yet to Come!

There are many times in life I have heard enjoy blank these are the best years of your life- including high school, college, your twenties etc. I have often wondered if this was true and in many cases hoped that was not the case. Not to say any of these times were bad, but if they truly were the best, what did I have to look forward to?

I think I can say without a second thought that none of those were the best.

365 days ago I turned 30. I was living a whirlwind of having 2 preemie newborns. I think this day mostly consisted of our sanity providing 3 hour baby feeding schedule, not the glamorous 30th birthday one may dream about, but one that showed the fruition of so many other dreams.

When this year began I thought it was going to be one of survival more than anything, but as I have journeyed through I think I can say without a doubt this has been the BEST year so far.

I have gotten to know and love two of the most amazing people that will ever enter into my life. Being a mommy is something I dreamed about for so long and was a dream some days I was not sure would come true...at least as I planned. (Well actually it didn't happen as I planned but as God did and with anything His plan was so much greater.)

Aaron finished grad school, passed the CPA exam and now is working for a great firm.

I went back to work after 13 weeks home with the twins. This I thought would be one of the hardest things I ever would do. My heart has always longed to be at home with my babies, but for various reasons does not seem the be the right plan for our family right now. I feel God really laid the path to provide amazing childcare for Jackson & Riggs along with a flexible work environment for me to be a working mom. So far this arrangement has worked great for our family.

I will turn 30 weighing 20 pounds less than when I became pregnant-a weight that I have not seen since at least my junior year in college. One year ago I was hoping I would be able to lose the 60 pounds of baby weight I gained through my pregnancy. I never dreamed it would be 80 pounds lighter.

I have started running, I am just one or two more runs away from completing couch to 5K! I ran 3 miles on Thursday-decided I had to do it before I turned 31! I know this might not seem like much to some but for me this is huge. I have always had a mental block against running that stems from my leg issues in college. I had compartment syndrome which meant blood flow was restricted to my feet when my muscles contracted causing my feet to fall asleep and extreme calf cramps. As you can imagine this was awesome since I player soccer at Clemson. My sophomore year I had surgery that fixed this issue, but then had other injuries that prevented me from getting past this block.

I feel this year I have really tired to draw closer to God in the good times and bad. Wanting to know Him more and seek out His will in my life

And most recently I feel God has placed a new calling on my heart, a purpose. This is very recent so I am still trying to seek out His desire for me in this, but I feel so passionate for a cause like I never have before.

While 30 has been the best days of my life so far, I am hopeful the best is yet to come.

So as the clock strikes 3:17 AM on May 5th, 2012 I hope I am starting an even better year yet!

Great Expectations

In life there are many things we have Great Expectations about. With the twins I have found to look for the blessing in the circumstances and not dwell on what should have been (in my opinion). Over the last three years I have learned more and more my plans don't matter one bit and I to try and not romanticize what I perceive to be normal-if I do I will just feel jipped out of moments that "should" have been.

In October of 2009 Aaron and I decided that it was time for us to add to our family and start trying for a baby. Being a mother is the one thing I had always known I wanted to be in life. While in the back of my mind I am pretty sure I felt this was not going to be a simple task but I longed for this and had Great Expectations. After 11 months and a little bit of medical intervention we finally got our positive pregnancy test and were finally going to be parents.

A few weeks later we went in for our first ultrasound so excited to get our first glimpse of our baby that we had longed for. Quickly we knew we were not seeing what most see on that little black and white screen-there were two perfect little heart beats growing inside of me instead of one. On that day I know we were in shock not sure what to think-I can't really say I remember much else that happened-We were only planning on one but we got two. I don't think we had any idea what a blessing this "change of plans" was to become in our lives.

Through out the pregnancy things went well and as they continued this way our Expectations for a normal delivery grew knowing from the beginning this may not be the case, with the increased risks that come from carry twins. At 34 weeks 1 day we got our game changer once again. I went to the OB for my weekly appointment and was admitted to the hospital for pre-eclampsia. The next morning it was determined the twins would be delivered that day. This was the day I had dreamed about for so long, I was finally going to get to become a mommy and hold my sweet babies for the first time. Jackson was born first and Aaron was able to hold him for a few seconds and let me give him a kiss on the head before they took him to the NICU. Then our feisty Riggs was born 2 minutes later. She was not doing as well as her brother and they decided to put in a breathing tube and quickly wisked her out of the room, I was only able to get a quick glance of my little girl as she passed. Neither of these met the Great Expectations I had for this moment. It was about 6 hours before I got to see them and over 24 before I was able to hold my babies for the first time. And as you can imagine, I left the hospital in tears a few days later without my babies-not the moment I had dreamed of once again.

Then last Friday they turned ONE! Now this was the time I was to finally get That Moment. Friday we would spend with family and then Saturday was the party I had been planning for months. Well not exactly. Thursday morning as I was literally walking out the door for work I noticed a few spots on Riggs and an extremely irritable little girl who would not eat her breakfast. My Expectations were once again squashed as we later determined our little girl who had not been sick all year had Hand Foot and Mouth. We were able to celebrate with most of our family on Friday, but my oldest sister could not come since she has little ones too. However Saturday, the big party I had dreamed of had to be postponed until the twins were healthy.

At first as I processed all of this I felt so jipped; why have I not had those perfect moments like everyone else does with their babies? But then I reflected on all I had and while no none of it went as I expected, it has all been perfect and exactly as God planned it. I have two perfectly healthy 1 year olds (well other than HFM) who I adore more than anything. I have been brought more joy by these two little ones than I could have every imagined. Have we had those Perfect Moments I dreamed about? No. But have we had so many Perfect Moments, that have far exceeded my Expectations? Yes! I guess in all of this I have learned it is not those planned moments that make our story it is those that happen on their own that make life so amazing!

Don't worry the twins will still have their party, just not when I planned.

I am hoping to have more post (probably than you want to read) in the next few days as I catch up on Easter and such-since the last week was spent working on the party.

SUYL-Working Moms

Today I am linking up with Kelly's Korner on Show Us Your Life-Working Moms!

This is a category that I am fairly new to but one that has changed my life in so many ways! On July 13th of 2011 I officially became a working mom when I returned to work after 12 weeks of maternity leave. These last 7 months have been a great time of transition for our entire family. While there are many days (most) that I would love to be home with our twins I know this is the path God currently has laid out for our family. I work in Advertising for a great company and can see God's hand in the entire process as my job has changed over the last two years that accommodate for our new family. I would love to connect with other working mommas to encourage one another on this journey!

Bookstore Date

Friday Aaron and I got out for a much needed date night. Staci was sweet enough to watch the twins so we could get away for a bit. We wanted to do something fun and cheap that would not keep us out late. I started looking at numerous blogs to find ideas and finally decided on a Bookstore Date. I found many great ideas for this and finally decided to use the below list for adventure.

Unfortunately I don't remember which site this came from to give the appropriate credit.

 

 

 We grabbed a quick bite to eat at Chipotle and then headed over to Barnes and Nobles for a little fun.


Here is how our rounds played out...

Round 1:
We both chose the same recipe from the Soby's cookbook-Pork Tenderloin. Soby's is a locale restaurant that has published an amazing cook book, this is one of our favorite places to go when we are looking for a special night out. The pork is both of ours favorites so I was not surprised that was the case.

For the future date night we both picked games, Aaron a book on how to play Poker and I found some fun card games in the center section. I had a hard time finding date idea books so I had to be creative.

For the final event of this round Aaron picked a book that had accountant jokes which was appropriate since he is in the midst of taking the CPA exam and looking for a job as a public accountant. I found a book of jokes about family things-nothing great but we had fun reading through some of them

After round 1 the bookstore started to get a little crowded and also they were putting in a new fixture in the middle of the store so things were very discombobulated. We played a modified round 2.

Round 2:
Picture of a place we would like to visit. I picked Italy. Aaron ran out of time before finding one but he says he was thinking Italy as well.

Children's Book.
Aaron picked Shel Silversteins Light in the Attic I wish we had more time where we could have set and read some of the poems, maybe next time. I picked Go Dog Go. I can't say this was my favorite book as a child but in a recent conversation between us Aaron said he had never heard of it much to my dismay. I did learn something new...I thought this was a Seuss book but learned that is not the case.

After this we decided it was time to head home to rescue Staci and put our little bits to bed. We had fun just hanging out and being silly.

I can't wait to have another date night. What is something fun you  have done on a date before?

IF

I saw this on another blog and thought it looked like fun.

Fill in the blanks....

If I were to get pregnant again...I hope it is not at least for a year or so. We would love another baby just not yet. But as we learned wit the twins God is in control so if we were bestowed with another little blessing we would be beyond ecstatic at anytime.

If I could have any job in the world...I would be a SAHM. That is my dream right now, but I am content with our current situation. God is in control and is providing for our family in amazing ways. But if it was a professional job I think I would be a doctor-after having the twins I have such a respect for great doctors.

If I had a day to myself...I would go shopping and maybe get a pedicure. I love going places with the twins, but I have found it is very hard to maneuver a double stroller in many stores. And the pedicure, lets just say my feet have seen better days.

If I could get married all over again...I would change most things but the man. I loved my wedding and I had a wonderful day, but as I have matured so have my taste. I would have waited for the spring so I could have seersucker suits for the guys and pink dresses for the girls. I would have thought more about how my location would photograph and maybe even gone destination. But as with everything hindsight is 20/20. Our day was perfect because I married the man I love so dearly.

If I could live anywhere in the US...I would live right where I am. I love living in the upstate of South Carolina. It is affordable and great place to raise a family. We are close to Clemson one of our favorite places and we have a church we love and so many amazing friends.

If my girl would have been boy they would have been named...since we had boy/girl twins I guess Jackson would have been Riggs and Riggs would have been Jackson.

If I could have any talent in the world...I would be an artist. I am so jealous of those who can draw and paint so easily such a talent.

If you met me in real life...I hope you would like me. I think I am pretty easy to get along with and I am a good friend to have.

If I could go back to school and get a different degree...I am trying to figure this one out now. Maybe nursing but not sure.

If money was no object...I would give so much away. Especially since having the twins I have begun to realize the world around me a lot more. I am not sure that we would change too much maybe a little big bigger house and a maid. Oh yeah and I would be a SAHM.

If I could meet one celebrity, it would be...Julia Roberts. I have always loved her and she just seems so classy.

If I could shop at only one store the rest of my life...Target

If we were to get another pet it would be...nothing. I am not a big animal fan.

If I could go on a trip right now...HAWAII. Aaron and I were able to go 2 years ago on my hotel and airline points I earned from my work travels. It was amazing and is a place I hope we can go back someday.

If I had to choose between a house cleaner and a personal chef...House cleaner we can eat out but our house is in of some major TLC.

If I had the option of plastic surgery...tummy tuck. After having the twins lets just say the belly has some extra skin hanging around. But they were totally worth every stretch mark!

Balance

Today it finally hit me, how can I do it all? I know the answer to this question is simple...I can't but I am having a hard time trying to make it all balance. As you know in April Aaron and I had our dreams come true when our prefect twins were born. I have to say there is nothing better. In July after almost 13 weeks home with them I returned to work. I have to admit this has gone better than I imagined it would.

But today I hit a bit of a wall on my way into work. I work for an advertising agency as a lead print production manager and manage a team of 4 people they are amazing and make my job as a manager so easy. We are responsible for the back end of the projects which some times can make stuff lingering well past quitting time. To compensate for this we have developed staggered shifts meaning some come in at 8, some at 10 and some at noon. For the most part this solves our problems, but then there are days like last night that no planning can fix. My team was at work until midnight and if you know anything about advertising you know that is just part of the business, but my problem is I had to leave at 5:30 to get home to the twins. My supervisor told me when I came back on this account after returning from leave that he knew I had new priorities and wanted me to delegate and leave on time. Which is great but I have major guilt, last night I looked at my phone before going to bed and I could see the emails of my team still hard at work while I rested my head on my pillow. This is hard for me because I never want my team to feel that because I have a family or I am the boss I can skip out on the hard days-but I have to.

I want to give 110% everywhere but sometimes I feel like everyone is only getting 50% at best from me. I feel torn between being an employee, a mother, a wife, a housekeeper, a friend and the list can go on and on.

I don't want to let me team down but I have to get home to my babies. Am I giving them my best or are they just getting what is left of me and then there is Aaron I know he is not getting what he deserves from me and lets not even talk about what our house looks like right now. I feel so stretched and overwhelmed that I am not sure I am doing anything but surviving.

At this time me working is not an option it is a necessity-I am currently our primary income as Aaron looks for a job. Then I question what we do once he finds one? Can I leave my job that I enjoy at a great company? Can I give up my paycheck and possibly cut our family in come by half? Do I want to be at home all day? I don't know the answer to any of these questions. I do know ultimately my family will come first in any decisions we make. I know God has a plan and I need to seek him more for peace and balance in life. Right now we are doing what we have to do and I have to learn to give myself more grace in all situations. There is a lot on our plate and I think all things considered we are doing ok, I was just having one of those days.

365 Days

One year ago today was one of the happiest days of my life. After 11 months of trying to conceive we finally got the two pink lines we were waiting for.

Here is my recap from an earlier post... 

I woke up early that morning and went downstairs to take the test so I didn't wake up Aaron. After waiting those very long minutes I finally saw what I had waited so long to see for the last 11 months...two pink lines. I ran up stairs bawling. Poor Aaron had no idea what was going on. Our bedroom was pitch black and I woke him from a sound sleep and handed him the test. He was not sure if I was happy or sad all he knew was I was crying. Finally he saw what I did and we both knew that our life had changed forever.

While we had desired so deeply to become pregnant sooner we have learned through this season that God's plan is greater than ours and his timing is always perfect. If we had become any sooner we might not have had twins and then we wouldn't have our perfect pair.

365 Days ago I found out I was pregnant and today I have two perfect 5 month olds.

Back to Work

Last week came a day I had been dreading for a long time-my return to work. The week before we pretty emotional for me as I would feed or hold the twins it would hit me that these special times would soon be limited to nights and weekends. I have always known that I wanted to be a mommy but never knew how truly amazing it would be until Jackson and Riggs made their appearance into this world. At this time it just does not work for our family for me to be able to stay home full time with the twins. I have a great job at a great company and returning was a must.

Monday morning I had a few moments but once I walked out the door I was fine. I know I had many prayer warriors that day and the days leading up to this moment. I expected the week and especially that day to be an emotional roller-coaster, I was so thankful for the peace I had about it all.

I am sure it will really hit me when I have to drop them off at daycare for the first time but for now it feels if everything is just how it should be. My mom and dad have been great to come and watch them the first two weeks. My dad was in Monday through Wednesday and then my mom came to relieve him Thursday through Wednesday and granddaddy will be back to finish up Thursday and Friday. I think they have enjoyed it, but I am not sure they truly knew how much work two would be. As soon as you get one happy the other one starts crying and there is only one swing. When my dad left Thursday morning he made the comment this was the first time he had seen daylight in 3 days.

I am still hopeful one day it will be possible for me to be a Stay at Home Mom but I know God has a better plan for us than me.

Mother's Day 2011

 This year I got to celebrate a new holiday-I think it might be my new favorite-Mother's Day! This is a day I have dreamed about for so long. While we were pretty low key it was a perfect day.

Our first picture as a family of FOUR!

The big highlight was taking Jackson and Riggs to church for the first time. It was so great to be able to show off our new family on such a special day. The twins were adorable as always but looked extremely cute in their Feltman Brother's outfits.

What is on my head?

You hold mine in...I'll hold yours!

Hope your day was as special as ours!